HIS CHAPTERS 1-11
other fic by raveneagel (nicknamed turtle in story)
title: imma Wiserd »
category: harry again
summary: mi stori ritten by me about me goin 2 hogwarts
--
btw this fanfic's name was changed to da magikal nigger & summary became .. its about mi a blak boy ghoin 2 hpogwats
& category changed to .. Sci-Fi/Romance
raveneagel's qrofile..in case u want it for some reasun
Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.
mi name is marquez jefferson an i lik hary potta.
tings i lik: hary potta ffride chikin 50 cent soulja boi jim croce ("the only white man who can sing"
an all mi adorin fans (daz u guiz)
tings i don lik: rassists wite ppl jews mixicans (bcuz dey cant speek da langig)
--
ch 1: da beginin
AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee.
note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin
I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?".
"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food".
"o turtle don cri"
"na mama i aint mad" i says. den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!!11111111111111
"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"
"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left.
so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST.
-------
ch2: hogwats
AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun
den i went 2 hagwats. dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". i turned an said "u aint harry potter!!11 i saw him in da movis!"
"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi"
"wat i said.
"u herd mi"
"dem rassist ppl!"
i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw"
"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens). im ur dumbledoor."
hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool."
"hi mistr duumbledoor"
"yo can call mi alvin".
"ok alvin"
"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik.
"im sleepi" sed hairy potter
"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed
"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks"
"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?"
"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry
we were best frends.
----
ch 3: lernin magik
AN: im jus crankin dem out!!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it!
da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin :)
i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!"
"y" i sed
"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!"
den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz draco. hes rassist."
"ok" i sed
"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. she fell in love wit me. it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. furst we had magik class. the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas."
"wut" i sed.
"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik."
"well ok" i sed
she gave us lots o homwork.
we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. "dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman.
"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski.
but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed"
"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky.
den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. "sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"
"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!"
"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.
"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!"
i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die". i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111" i sed.
"TURTLE!!!!!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died.
-----
ch4: da dark lord vadermort
An: heres anodder chapper!
da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse.
"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman.
"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr.
"wut was dat?" i sed.
"it wuz da dark lord vadermort and he wantz to hurt ur mama"
"WART?!11" i sed
"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi"
"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman
"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry
"ok" i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!!11111"
den da dubledoor cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed
"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!!11" sed herman
"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort "especially u turtle"
"well ill hafta suspind u all" sed dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. so we all went bak to our rooms.
i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga boi soulja spirit buu jackson" I woke up scard. dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me. it wuz herman. she wuz nekked. "lets hav sex" she said. so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass.
"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. den i cam. an we stop. "what r u doin" sed harry next to me. "noddin" i sed ambarrist. "oh. i tot i herd somting."
"i didnt heer noddin" i sed.
"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to slep. den we all went doon 2 brekfest. "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed.
"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr.
"aww noddin" i sed an i smield.
"yeh" sed herman an she smiled.
"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2.
"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor.
"ah noddin"
"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor.
"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class
"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher?
"i didnt" i sed.
"why not, turtle!? u hav such potenshal!!" she sed
"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed.
"u fot vadermort?! u must b a grat wizrd!!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed.
we sat thro class.
AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! well i trikd u lololol mor chpters cummin soon
-----
ch5 blak magik class
AN: tanks 4 all da gud reveuz!! recntly i watched da hary pottr moovies again so i cud get ma fadcts strat.
"helo everabodi mah nam is magik jonson" sed magik jonson.
"water u doin techin dis class" i sed
"im ur techer" sed magik jonson "dey duont call mi magik 4 noddin!!1 wen i quit bascetball i bcam a techer at hogwats" i loked arond da room. dere wuz alot o niggas in dis class. an... DRACO!!111 but he sat at da bak o da classrom.
"class 2day we will lurn how 2 sumon patronises"
"wuz a patronis" i sed
"ull see" sed magik jonson.
so we went in2 da midle off da room
"normaly wen pracisin wit partorises we normally use dememtors... but seeing as how dis is a blak magik class" an he winked "were gonna use somtin alidle bit diferant" he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!!1111
so we all wnet up an did r patronises. ron did a snak. jenni did a egele. den i cam up an did a big o dragen. "DAZ AMAZING" sed magik jonson.
den draco cam up an did a cjickin cuz he wuz a chikin. "dat wuz dum" sed magik jonson "u fail". drako wen bak 2 da bak of da room.
den da police came an arrestd me fo no reson. "wuz goin on" sed makig jonson. "ur under arrest" sed da cops. an dey tok me away an i wen to jail.
An: suzpensfl iznt it? nex chapta cummin soon.
--
ch 6: i get out of jail
AN: im glad 2 see dat evry1 likd mi stori so i desided 2 rit da nex chapta now!!111
i wuz in jail. it wuz cold but i had a cot an a toylet an mi romatez nam wuz kiwan. i wuz sad.
"let mi out!!11" i sed.
"no" he sed.
"why did yo put mi in here i didnt do aniting" i sed.
"bcuz ur a nigger an as u no we da police hate niggers"
"U CANT US DAT WORD" sed kiwan
"yeh daz r word" i sed.
"nigger nigger niger" he sed an began 2 laff.
"well i no a word u mite like" i sed "DRAGEN!!111111" den a dragen cam out.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!11111111111111111111111" he sed as the ragen began 2 eat him
"hes a blak magicon!!1" sed anodder gard.
"den i gess well haf 2 tak away his wand!!1" sed annoder. an dey did.
"now u cant us magic!!1" sed kiwan "but i wish u did... dey dont feed niggas lik us in jail..."
den i had an idea. "du u lik fried chickin"
"sho i do" he sed "but not all blak ppl lik fried chikin. dat wud be rassist"
"ok" i sed an pointed at da grund an sed "fried chickin" an dere it was.
"hooooray!!1111111111111111" sed kiwan. "ur da gratist wiserd iv eva nown!!"
den... da fried chickin startd 2 chang... it wuz... VADERMORT!!1111111111111
"die" he sed but kiwan jumpd in da wai an his hed esploded!!
"beep" sed vadermort
"turtle! get mi uzi! its i n mi left pokket!!1" sed kiwan. an i did. an i shot bullets on vadermort.
"IM DIING!!" sed vadermort. blod wuz goin evrywere.
"never trust a blak wizard" i sed. an i sed "DRAGEN" an dere wuz more blod evrywere.
"AHHHH IM DIING EVEN MOR!!11" sed vadermort.
den he fel on da grund ded.
"U KILLD VADERMORT!!111" sed harry potter.
"GUD JOB" sed magik jonson.
den snape cam up an sed "cum 2 mi oriface"
AN: but dunt worri dis is nut da last uv herd of darth vader!!111
-----
ch 7 , dinna wit snape
"my my what an ingoyable meal" sed snape totchin da sids of his moth wit his napkin. he wuz sitin at his desk eatin. i wuz sitin in a char in front of his desk. i wasn't eatin. he wiped his hands off on da napikn an folded it in a tryangl bside his plat.
"you moronic negresint layabout. do you know why i brot you here?" sed snape.
i didnt no.
"leef da poor boi alone" sed hagrid.
"no. i think he shud be expeled." sed snape.
"well why" sed da dubleedor.
"becuz he brot a gun to school." sed snape.
"but he wuz trien 2 fite vadermort" sed herman.
"thats no alabi" sed snape. "he hangs at sundown"
"WAT!!1111" sed harry potre.
"you heard me" sed snape.
"its tru" sed da dumbledoor "bringin a gun 2 skool is punishable by death. especally if ur blak"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!11111111111111" sed herman.
"but wayt! da suns alreddy down!" i sed.
"then i guess we have to hang you now!" sed snape.
"N
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!111111111111111" sed herman. an began 2 cry.
den... out of no were... HARRY POTTER BUST IN2 DA ROOM!!11111
"hey wait!! u cant kill turtle!! den hus goona kill vadermort!!" he sed.
i wuz standin on da stage wit ma hed in da rope.
hermon wuz dreesed in a blak dress wit a vail an cryin on harys sholder.
"hahaha" sed snape. it wuz thunderin an lightnin and rain wuz fallin everywere. "with you gone, vadermort can rule then world!!111"
i wuz a gonner.
AN: now dat wuz excitin!!111 sorry it tok so long. i had to look up those big words for snape bcuz hes wite an probably jewish.
---
ch8, shiequz
i wuz abot 2 die.
den... a big blak nigga flu in on a grifen an thru me ma bromstik.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!11111111111111" sed snape.
i got on mi bromstik an flu awai wit da big blak nigga. we flu ova till we fund his apartmant.
"hi im shieqwaz" he sed
"call mi turtle" i sed.
"im snapes brodder" sed shieqwaz.
"no u aint" i sed "dat nigga aint blak"
"yes i is" he sed "we bof haff da saim mama but i cam out blak an he cam out jewish. eva sinse den hes hated blak ppl"
"wel vadermort looks kind o jewish. do u tink dey cud b da same guy"
"i don no" sed shieqwaz.
den i had an idea dat wud rly wurk
AN: wel dat wuz a clifhangr!!11
--
ch9 , how 2 ctahc a jew
AN: sory it tok so long dis was a long chapta an i had 2 look up how 2 spell snapes words.
snape wuz wakkin down da halway. "yes now that weve gotten that awful nigger off my hands nothing will get in the way of my plans!!1"
he keppt on wakkin down da halway.
"only 1 more thing could make this day even better" he sed. den he saw somden on da ground. it wuz a 5 dolla bill.
"ohhhh a 5 dollor bill" sed snape. he bent down to pik it up. but den... it moved just out of his reech!
"that was odd" sed snape. an he bent down to pik it up agin. but it movd agin!
"well this is making me quite angry" sed snape. and evrytim he pikd it up it went out of his reech.
he went 2 da end of da halway "ahh i got u now!" he sed. but wen he sed dat a sak went ova his hed!
"got u" i sed.
"curses" sed snape.
"we got u now" sed shieqwan"
"let me go" sed snape.
we put him in a rum an put him in a char.
"SHIEQWAN" sed snake.
"brodder" sed shieqwan.
"r u vadermort?" i sed.
"ill never tell" sed snape.
"not even 4... 5 dollors"
snape lookd lik he wuz gonna eat dat 5 dolla bill.
"ok" sed snape "ill tell u if im vadermort or not. mi tru identidy is"...
den wit his magik he got out of da char.
"gettim" sed shieqwan.
i tryd. but i cudnt cuz dey tok away mah wand in jail.
"hes gettin away" sed shieqwan.
den snape got out his gun.
"now youll die... FOREVER!!11111111111" he sed.
"NOT IF I KILL U FIRST" sed shieqwan.
"you wont hurt me im your brothr" sed snape.
"yes i wud snape... or shud i say... VADERMORT" sed shieqwan.
"how did you know" sed snape.
"its queyt simpl" sed shieqwan "bcuz u an vadermort r never in da smae place at da same time!!"
"DAM U" sed snape. "u were 2 smart for me"
"now dat u no mi secret i cant let u life"
den he started 2 shoot bullets on me. mi blud wuz goin evrywere. an den i died.
AN: is dis da end... or is it!?
--
ch 10 i meet god
i woke up in heven. soulja boy wuz playin an i saw dis big ol nigga in a wit robe dat lookd lik 50 cent.
"hello turtle" he sed.
"how do u no mi name" i sed
"bcuz im god turtle" he sed
i wuz amased.
"am i ded" i sed.
"yes u r" sed god.
"den dat meen..." i sed
"yes it duz" sed god "but dont cri turtle cuz it aint yo tym yet so im senden u bak. i wan u 2 kill dat evil jew hu killd mi only son"
"yes lod" i sed.
"an rememba turtle, i will alweys bein wachin ova u. goodbi" sed god
"godbi" i sed.
i woke up in mi room.
"wuz wrong" sed hary pottr "u look wit as a cracker"
"aw noddin" i sed.
"well u woke up jus in tim" sed shieqwaz "da bromstik chaminship is stardin an ur da star playa"
--
ch 11 bromstik champienship
i wuz in da locka room. i wuz so nervus. i hadnt ben arond 2 pratise bcuz i wuz ded.
i wuz lokin for ma bromstik. but i cudnt find it. den i turnd arund. it wuz... VADERMORT STEALING MI BROMSTIK!!11111111
"haha" he sed "an gess wut. i killd evry bodi else on ur team!! now ull nevr win!!"
"wut" i sed
"thers no way ull beet us at bromstiks now" he sed "and then well kill u. hahaha" an then he flu off on ma bromstik.
"wut am i gonna do now" i sed
i wen on da feeld.
"waddiya doin turtle?! da championship is about 2 bigin!!1" sed hary potta
"i cant" i sed. "vadermort stole mah bromstik"
"DAT THEFFIN BIGNOSE CRACKA" sed hary potter
"an he killd evry1 else on da teem1!" i sed
"WUT" sed hary " how r we gonna win now!?"
den we lookd ova.
"oh my god" we sed. da deth eattas had brot... DA KLU KLUX KLAN
dey didnt hav bromstiks. but dey had guns a flammin cross an a rope.
"hey look niggers!" sed 1. an dey all started to shot at us.
"deres way were gonna win now" sed hary potta.
den i got an idea.
"DRAGEN" i sed an a dragen apeerd.
i got on da dragens bak an me an hary went up into da air.
we only had me and hary an we had to play aginst da deatheaters hufflpuff grifendoor an sliterin ALL AT DA SAME TIME.
"GET DA NIGGERS" sed da klukluklan guy an dey all started to shot at us.
"how can dey still see us!!1" sed hary pottr
it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit an we wuz da only blak guys on da feild.
"it is bcuz da ski is wit an we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed.
vadermort lookd ova "dis is da worst ting eva!!1 how cud mi plan not hav workd!"
den da dubledoor flu up an sed "let da game bgin. lets play fair" den da buza sounded.
title: imma Wiserd »
category: harry again
summary: mi stori ritten by me about me goin 2 hogwarts
--
btw this fanfic's name was changed to da magikal nigger & summary became .. its about mi a blak boy ghoin 2 hpogwats
& category changed to .. Sci-Fi/Romance
raveneagel's qrofile..in case u want it for some reasun
Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.
mi name is marquez jefferson an i lik hary potta.
tings i lik: hary potta ffride chikin 50 cent soulja boi jim croce ("the only white man who can sing"
an all mi adorin fans (daz u guiz)
tings i don lik: rassists wite ppl jews mixicans (bcuz dey cant speek da langig)
--
ch 1: da beginin
AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee.
note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin
I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?".
"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food".
"o turtle don cri"
"na mama i aint mad" i says. den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!!11111111111111
"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"
"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left.
so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST.
-------
ch2: hogwats
AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun
den i went 2 hagwats. dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". i turned an said "u aint harry potter!!11 i saw him in da movis!"
"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi"
"wat i said.
"u herd mi"
"dem rassist ppl!"
i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw"
"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens). im ur dumbledoor."
hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool."
"hi mistr duumbledoor"
"yo can call mi alvin".
"ok alvin"
"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik.
"im sleepi" sed hairy potter
"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed
"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks"
"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?"
"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry
we were best frends.
----
ch 3: lernin magik
AN: im jus crankin dem out!!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it!
da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin :)
i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!"
"y" i sed
"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!"
den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz draco. hes rassist."
"ok" i sed
"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. she fell in love wit me. it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. furst we had magik class. the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas."
"wut" i sed.
"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik."
"well ok" i sed
she gave us lots o homwork.
we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. "dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman.
"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski.
but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed"
"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky.
den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. "sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"
"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!"
"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.
"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!"
i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die". i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111" i sed.
"TURTLE!!!!!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died.
-----
ch4: da dark lord vadermort
An: heres anodder chapper!
da next day i wook up in da hosbitel. "ur all betta" sed da nurse.
"nigga don scar me lik dat" sed herman.
"u almost dyd" sed harry pottr.
"wut was dat?" i sed.
"it wuz da dark lord vadermort and he wantz to hurt ur mama"
"WART?!11" i sed
"u gotta lisin turtle u gotta kill vadermort. it sed so in da profasi"
"dat sounds dangerus" sed herman
"yeah he wants 2 destroi da world" sed harry
"ok" i sed "if he touchs ma mama IMMA POP A CAP IN DAT NIGGAS ASS!!11111"
den da dubledoor cam in. "shuddnt u chilldrn b in class?" he sed
"but da dark lard almst killd turtel!!11" sed herman
"dun say dat name" sed da vadermort "especially u turtle"
"well ill hafta suspind u all" sed dumbeldoor "especially u turtle" den da dumbldor runnd awy on his bromstik. so we all went bak to our rooms.
i went to sleep. when i wuz alssep i saw da man wit da blak cape and da blak coat. dere was a snake coimg out of da front a himself. he wuz sittin in a char in fron of da fried place. he sed 2 da snape "imma kill dat nigga boi soulja spirit buu jackson" I woke up scard. dere wuz som1 under da cofers wit me. it wuz herman. she wuz nekked. "lets hav sex" she said. so she bends over and i stuk my big blak cok in her tinee wite ass.
"YES TURTLE YES" she sed. den i cam. an we stop. "what r u doin" sed harry next to me. "noddin" i sed ambarrist. "oh. i tot i herd somting."
"i didnt heer noddin" i sed.
"oh, okay" sed harry and he went bak to slep. den we all went doon 2 brekfest. "how did u slep?" sed herman. "gret" i sed an slimed.
"what're u guys takken bout" sed harry pottr.
"aww noddin" i sed an i smield.
"yeh" sed herman an she smiled.
"yeh" i sed an i slmied 2.
"what r u boiz smilin bout?" sed da dumbeldoor.
"ah noddin"
"well u had bettr hury up an get 2 clss" sed da dubledoor.
"ok we sed an den we went 2 magik class
"did u all do ur homerk?" sed da teakher?
"i didnt" i sed.
"why not, turtle!? u hav such potenshal!!" she sed
"bcuz he was almost kiled bi vadermort" we sed.
"u fot vadermort?! u must b a grat wizrd!!" she sed. "fin u get an a+" she sed.
we sat thro class.
AN: haha u thot i wuz ded didnt u! well i trikd u lololol mor chpters cummin soon
-----
ch5 blak magik class
AN: tanks 4 all da gud reveuz!! recntly i watched da hary pottr moovies again so i cud get ma fadcts strat.
"helo everabodi mah nam is magik jonson" sed magik jonson.
"water u doin techin dis class" i sed
"im ur techer" sed magik jonson "dey duont call mi magik 4 noddin!!1 wen i quit bascetball i bcam a techer at hogwats" i loked arond da room. dere wuz alot o niggas in dis class. an... DRACO!!111 but he sat at da bak o da classrom.
"class 2day we will lurn how 2 sumon patronises"
"wuz a patronis" i sed
"ull see" sed magik jonson.
so we went in2 da midle off da room
"normaly wen pracisin wit partorises we normally use dememtors... but seeing as how dis is a blak magik class" an he winked "were gonna use somtin alidle bit diferant" he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!!1111
so we all wnet up an did r patronises. ron did a snak. jenni did a egele. den i cam up an did a big o dragen. "DAZ AMAZING" sed magik jonson.
den draco cam up an did a cjickin cuz he wuz a chikin. "dat wuz dum" sed magik jonson "u fail". drako wen bak 2 da bak of da room.
den da police came an arrestd me fo no reson. "wuz goin on" sed makig jonson. "ur under arrest" sed da cops. an dey tok me away an i wen to jail.
An: suzpensfl iznt it? nex chapta cummin soon.
--
ch 6: i get out of jail
AN: im glad 2 see dat evry1 likd mi stori so i desided 2 rit da nex chapta now!!111
i wuz in jail. it wuz cold but i had a cot an a toylet an mi romatez nam wuz kiwan. i wuz sad.
"let mi out!!11" i sed.
"no" he sed.
"why did yo put mi in here i didnt do aniting" i sed.
"bcuz ur a nigger an as u no we da police hate niggers"
"U CANT US DAT WORD" sed kiwan
"yeh daz r word" i sed.
"nigger nigger niger" he sed an began 2 laff.
"well i no a word u mite like" i sed "DRAGEN!!111111" den a dragen cam out.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!11111111111111111111111" he sed as the ragen began 2 eat him
"hes a blak magicon!!1" sed anodder gard.
"den i gess well haf 2 tak away his wand!!1" sed annoder. an dey did.
"now u cant us magic!!1" sed kiwan "but i wish u did... dey dont feed niggas lik us in jail..."
den i had an idea. "du u lik fried chickin"
"sho i do" he sed "but not all blak ppl lik fried chikin. dat wud be rassist"
"ok" i sed an pointed at da grund an sed "fried chickin" an dere it was.
"hooooray!!1111111111111111" sed kiwan. "ur da gratist wiserd iv eva nown!!"
den... da fried chickin startd 2 chang... it wuz... VADERMORT!!1111111111111
"die" he sed but kiwan jumpd in da wai an his hed esploded!!
"beep" sed vadermort
"turtle! get mi uzi! its i n mi left pokket!!1" sed kiwan. an i did. an i shot bullets on vadermort.
"IM DIING!!" sed vadermort. blod wuz goin evrywere.
"never trust a blak wizard" i sed. an i sed "DRAGEN" an dere wuz more blod evrywere.
"AHHHH IM DIING EVEN MOR!!11" sed vadermort.
den he fel on da grund ded.
"U KILLD VADERMORT!!111" sed harry potter.
"GUD JOB" sed magik jonson.
den snape cam up an sed "cum 2 mi oriface"
AN: but dunt worri dis is nut da last uv herd of darth vader!!111
-----
ch 7 , dinna wit snape
"my my what an ingoyable meal" sed snape totchin da sids of his moth wit his napkin. he wuz sitin at his desk eatin. i wuz sitin in a char in front of his desk. i wasn't eatin. he wiped his hands off on da napikn an folded it in a tryangl bside his plat.
"you moronic negresint layabout. do you know why i brot you here?" sed snape.
i didnt no.
"leef da poor boi alone" sed hagrid.
"no. i think he shud be expeled." sed snape.
"well why" sed da dubleedor.
"becuz he brot a gun to school." sed snape.
"but he wuz trien 2 fite vadermort" sed herman.
"thats no alabi" sed snape. "he hangs at sundown"
"WAT!!1111" sed harry potre.
"you heard me" sed snape.
"its tru" sed da dumbledoor "bringin a gun 2 skool is punishable by death. especally if ur blak"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!11111111111111" sed herman.
"but wayt! da suns alreddy down!" i sed.
"then i guess we have to hang you now!" sed snape.
"N
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!111111111111111" sed herman. an began 2 cry.
den... out of no were... HARRY POTTER BUST IN2 DA ROOM!!11111
"hey wait!! u cant kill turtle!! den hus goona kill vadermort!!" he sed.
i wuz standin on da stage wit ma hed in da rope.
hermon wuz dreesed in a blak dress wit a vail an cryin on harys sholder.
"hahaha" sed snape. it wuz thunderin an lightnin and rain wuz fallin everywere. "with you gone, vadermort can rule then world!!111"
i wuz a gonner.
AN: now dat wuz excitin!!111 sorry it tok so long. i had to look up those big words for snape bcuz hes wite an probably jewish.
---
ch8, shiequz
i wuz abot 2 die.
den... a big blak nigga flu in on a grifen an thru me ma bromstik.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!11111111111111" sed snape.
i got on mi bromstik an flu awai wit da big blak nigga. we flu ova till we fund his apartmant.
"hi im shieqwaz" he sed
"call mi turtle" i sed.
"im snapes brodder" sed shieqwaz.
"no u aint" i sed "dat nigga aint blak"
"yes i is" he sed "we bof haff da saim mama but i cam out blak an he cam out jewish. eva sinse den hes hated blak ppl"
"wel vadermort looks kind o jewish. do u tink dey cud b da same guy"
"i don no" sed shieqwaz.
den i had an idea dat wud rly wurk
AN: wel dat wuz a clifhangr!!11
--
ch9 , how 2 ctahc a jew
AN: sory it tok so long dis was a long chapta an i had 2 look up how 2 spell snapes words.
snape wuz wakkin down da halway. "yes now that weve gotten that awful nigger off my hands nothing will get in the way of my plans!!1"
he keppt on wakkin down da halway.
"only 1 more thing could make this day even better" he sed. den he saw somden on da ground. it wuz a 5 dolla bill.
"ohhhh a 5 dollor bill" sed snape. he bent down to pik it up. but den... it moved just out of his reech!
"that was odd" sed snape. an he bent down to pik it up agin. but it movd agin!
"well this is making me quite angry" sed snape. and evrytim he pikd it up it went out of his reech.
he went 2 da end of da halway "ahh i got u now!" he sed. but wen he sed dat a sak went ova his hed!
"got u" i sed.
"curses" sed snape.
"we got u now" sed shieqwan"
"let me go" sed snape.
we put him in a rum an put him in a char.
"SHIEQWAN" sed snake.
"brodder" sed shieqwan.
"r u vadermort?" i sed.
"ill never tell" sed snape.
"not even 4... 5 dollors"
snape lookd lik he wuz gonna eat dat 5 dolla bill.
"ok" sed snape "ill tell u if im vadermort or not. mi tru identidy is"...
den wit his magik he got out of da char.
"gettim" sed shieqwan.
i tryd. but i cudnt cuz dey tok away mah wand in jail.
"hes gettin away" sed shieqwan.
den snape got out his gun.
"now youll die... FOREVER!!11111111111" he sed.
"NOT IF I KILL U FIRST" sed shieqwan.
"you wont hurt me im your brothr" sed snape.
"yes i wud snape... or shud i say... VADERMORT" sed shieqwan.
"how did you know" sed snape.
"its queyt simpl" sed shieqwan "bcuz u an vadermort r never in da smae place at da same time!!"
"DAM U" sed snape. "u were 2 smart for me"
"now dat u no mi secret i cant let u life"
den he started 2 shoot bullets on me. mi blud wuz goin evrywere. an den i died.
AN: is dis da end... or is it!?
--
ch 10 i meet god
i woke up in heven. soulja boy wuz playin an i saw dis big ol nigga in a wit robe dat lookd lik 50 cent.
"hello turtle" he sed.
"how do u no mi name" i sed
"bcuz im god turtle" he sed
i wuz amased.
"am i ded" i sed.
"yes u r" sed god.
"den dat meen..." i sed
"yes it duz" sed god "but dont cri turtle cuz it aint yo tym yet so im senden u bak. i wan u 2 kill dat evil jew hu killd mi only son"
"yes lod" i sed.
"an rememba turtle, i will alweys bein wachin ova u. goodbi" sed god
"godbi" i sed.
i woke up in mi room.
"wuz wrong" sed hary pottr "u look wit as a cracker"
"aw noddin" i sed.
"well u woke up jus in tim" sed shieqwaz "da bromstik chaminship is stardin an ur da star playa"
--
ch 11 bromstik champienship
i wuz in da locka room. i wuz so nervus. i hadnt ben arond 2 pratise bcuz i wuz ded.
i wuz lokin for ma bromstik. but i cudnt find it. den i turnd arund. it wuz... VADERMORT STEALING MI BROMSTIK!!11111111
"haha" he sed "an gess wut. i killd evry bodi else on ur team!! now ull nevr win!!"
"wut" i sed
"thers no way ull beet us at bromstiks now" he sed "and then well kill u. hahaha" an then he flu off on ma bromstik.
"wut am i gonna do now" i sed
i wen on da feeld.
"waddiya doin turtle?! da championship is about 2 bigin!!1" sed hary potta
"i cant" i sed. "vadermort stole mah bromstik"
"DAT THEFFIN BIGNOSE CRACKA" sed hary potter
"an he killd evry1 else on da teem1!" i sed
"WUT" sed hary " how r we gonna win now!?"
den we lookd ova.
"oh my god" we sed. da deth eattas had brot... DA KLU KLUX KLAN
dey didnt hav bromstiks. but dey had guns a flammin cross an a rope.
"hey look niggers!" sed 1. an dey all started to shot at us.
"deres way were gonna win now" sed hary potta.
den i got an idea.
"DRAGEN" i sed an a dragen apeerd.
i got on da dragens bak an me an hary went up into da air.
we only had me and hary an we had to play aginst da deatheaters hufflpuff grifendoor an sliterin ALL AT DA SAME TIME.
"GET DA NIGGERS" sed da klukluklan guy an dey all started to shot at us.
"how can dey still see us!!1" sed hary pottr
it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit an we wuz da only blak guys on da feild.
"it is bcuz da ski is wit an we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed.
vadermort lookd ova "dis is da worst ting eva!!1 how cud mi plan not hav workd!"
den da dubledoor flu up an sed "let da game bgin. lets play fair" den da buza sounded.