HIS CHAPTERS 22 -31
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22 .. my new skool
AN: i haf been gettin lots of reviows sayin i haf bad spelin an grammer so im tryin reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel hard 2 give u da best reedin experiants.
we were walkin cross da skoolgrounds an i saw lots of pepol on crosses.
"if you do someden bad around here den the dumbledoor crucifies you" sed jesus
den i got 2 thinkin.
"hey jesus" i sed "if you invented cristeanity den are you cristin?"
"christeanity? wuz dat" sed jesus "im jewish. (AN:i no i wuz suprised 2!!!!!!) r dere any odder religons?"
so we kept walkin until we came 2 da dumbledoors door. we waked up da stairs until we came 2 his office.
"why hello mr christ!!1" sed the dumbledoor.
"hello proffeser pilot" jesus sed
"wh is dat wit you" he sed
"oh dis boi wants 2 go to our skkol" sed jesus "his name is... WAIT!1 i dont know ur name"
"my name is soulja sprit bu jackson. but u can calll me turtle" i sed
"well turtle" sed jesus "dis is da dumbledoor of da hole skool. professer pumpass pilot"
"thats strange" sed pumpass pilot "we just had a new profeser transfer in. but never mind. we have 2 get u sorted!!11"
he tok out da sortin hat an put it on my hed. it sed.......... GIRFFENDOOR!!!!!1111111
"grate dats da house im in" sed jesus
"but sudnt i be in ravencow!?" i sed
"soory da sortin hat has spoken" sed pumpass pilot and he put da hat under his desk. "is dere anyting else u need"
"ya i need a magik wand" i sed
"well here u go" sed pumpass and he gave me a wand
"now you have everthing you need!!" sed jesus "we can go 2 da commen room now"
so we wakked 2 da commen room but den i saw dis biiig tower
"hey jesus wuts dat" i sed
"thats were da ravencows live" sed jesus "babel tower"
so we went in2 da commin room
"HEY JESUS" sed a girl an a boi "whos dat with you?" sed da girl
"dis is my new friend turtle" sed jesus "turtle, let me introduce you to my 2 best friends. mary margerin and judas."
"hello turtle" dey both sed
"hello jesus. where have you been all day?" sed a picture at da back of da room. it wuz above da fire place. it was.... ABRAHAM LINCON!!!!!111
"oh im fine" sed jesus "meet my new frend turtle"
"hats off 2 you turtle" sed mr lincon an he tiped his hat.
"why do you have a picture of abraham lincon in ur commen room" i sed
"dont u know? abraham lincon is da father of da jews!" sed jesus
"hahaha" sed mr lincon merrily "u kids run along or ull mis diner"
so we all ran along 2 da great hall.
we sat down at da griffondoor tabel.
"hey i no u" sed judas. i didnt know him.
"wut?" i sed
"yeh i know u" sed judas. den i remembered.
"oh yeah i met u in da future!!!1" i sed
den professor pilot got up an sed "students i want to introduce u 2 our new student turtle!!1 and our new professor who just transferred in... professor snape!!!!!!!"
--
ch23 - sexy jesus
"WUT" i sed
snape was standin up on da podiam wearin a toga wit leefs on his hed. he narrowd his eyes an lookd all meen at me from sa=acros da grate hall den went bak 2 sit wit da other teechers whu were also werin togas an leefs on dere heds.
"wow" sed jesus " we have a new teecher"
"hes evil" i sed
"come on we havnt even had a clas wit him yet" sed mary margerine
"no hes evil" i sed "he followed me 2 da past so i dont invent fried chikin and to kill me"
den we had dinna. we didnt have anyting fried. all we had wuz bred wine fish and cheese.
after dat we went 2 da griffendoor commen room.
"how wuz dinna?" sed licon
"grate" sed jesus
den i went up 2 my dorm room but i didnt have any pajamas so i slept in my clothes.
den everyone went to bed. expect jesus. so i got up and whent to da commen room lookin for him. den i saw dem. jesus wuz makin out wit mary margerine!! he had his hand up her shirt and dey were kissin wit da tungs.
i just stood dere.
abraham lincon wuz asleep. he had on a pink nightdress an a pink sleepin hat.
i quietly went bak to da dormroom. judas was there.
"hey turtle" he sed "where have you been"
"nowhere" i sed an den when to sleep.
ch 24 jew hats
woke up. i rolled over... an i saw... mary margerine in da same bed as jesus!!!!
"good mornin" dey both sed.
i wuz suprised. jesus didnt have a small white boy penis. he had a big black boy penis.
"well we better be goin down to brekfest" sed judas
"hey wait!!!!" sed sed lincon "you cant go out like that!!!"
"why?" i sed
"bcuz your not dressed n school uniform!!"
"oh i forgot!" sed jesus. he pulled sometin out of his pocket an put it on my head. it wuz a jew hat!
"that looks alot better" said abraham lincon and tipped his hat to me.
we finished brekfast. den we went to math class wit professor soloman. snape wuz sittin at da back bcuz he had da class next. soloman had a baby on his desk.
"now class how many babies do I have on my desk" sed professer soloman. mary margerine raised her hand.
"one baby" she sed.
"thats right" sed soloman "now how many babies would i have if i cut dis baby in 2?"
no bodyanswered. den mary margerine raised her hand "two babies" she sed.
"daz correct!" sed soloman and he took out his chainsaw. he cut da baby in 2. blod went everywhere. snape licked his lips.
for da rest of da class soloman showed us how to make 4 babies out of 2 babies and 6 babies out of 4 babies.
when clas ended we had dark arts wit perfesser snape. he went up 2 da front of da class.
"goodmorning class" he sed "im ur new dark arts teacher." en he took up all da babies dat soloman left behind. "today ill teech u how to eat babies"
"WUT" sed jesus
"ur not trying to cause trouble are you mr. christ?" sed snape
"we cant eat babies!!" sed jesus
"you can if you want an A !" sed snape.
"dont worry perfessor snape. ill eat babies." sed a meen looking boy. his name was goliath.
"thank you goliath. you are a nice an well mannered young man. u get an A." sed snape.
not everyone ate babies dat class. only da evil ppl did.
"turtle, mr. christ, can i see u after class" he sed when class ended.
we stayed.
"if you boys cause anymore trouble then ill have to punish you" he sed.
den we left.
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encyclo drama uqdate-
Thanks to fanfiction being completely homosexual, Imma Wiserd has been deleted twice. Any chance that RavenEagle can upload all 48 chapters of hilarity to somewhere safe? (such as a freewebs) as I was only able to save 11 chapters and the thanksgiving chapters before the deletion and wish to be able to read that good old racial brilliance. Thanks.
--
qost this resqonse evry few days to raveneagel..
Thou hast removed the Imma Wiserd fanfic!
Even though it was considered bad by people, I was still curious to know how it continued. I never got to read it all before it was taken down the 1st time, and your reposting of the chapters is my only hope. You must continue reposting.
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haha disregard the idea of sayin that, cuz it wasn't him who dltd it, sm1 unkwn did acrding to him
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ch 25 way down below
meanwhil... 10000 years in da future an a mile under hogwarts...
"damn" sed dracula "we almost had him. we cudve takken on dumbledoor but we didnt tink of magik jonson"
"fochnoktaf" sed hitler wich wuz out staf is short now an we lost many of r detheaters.
"da devil is in da hosbitl bcuz he wuz fell off his weelchair an brock his hip." sed dracula. "da same is 4 wolfman. I CAQNT BELIWEVE WE LET DAT NIGGA GO TO DA PAST!!!!!!!!!111111"
"ichkanvochinmatenvadermort" which ment vadermort followed him too.
den dracula spoke "hes killed jesus b4... can he do it agin?"
--
ch 26 jesuss big red balls
jesus showed me 2 da lab.
"here youll have everyting you need to make dis "fried chikin"" he sed
"fried chikin?" sed judas "wuts dat?"
"its like chikin" i sed "but fried"
"dats crazy" sed mary margerine "you cant do that"
"but like hell im gonna try" i sed.
i mixed da chemicels. dey went through da glass pipes an da test tubes. i boiled dem on da fire.
jesus judas an mary margerine were watchin me all curious like.
den... DA WALL ESPLODED AN VADERMORT AN HIS DETHEATERS BURST IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111
vadermort opened his cape. missles flew out an esploded everywere. glass startinb flyin every were.
"NOW YOULL NEVER INVENT FRIED CHIKIN!111" sed vadermort.
da detheaters took out dere wands an dere guns an started shootin magik an bullets at us.
jesus stepped in front of me.
"JESUS NO" i sed.
den his hands went all blury an he caut all da bullets betwen his fingers. den he through dem back at da detheaters. the bullets went thru vadermort an hit da detheaters. 15 detheaters died an vadermort fell down on his need tghrouwin up blood.
judas an mary margerine were shootin magik beems out of dere wands.
"how do u do dat?" i sed
"didnt dey teech you at school?" sed judas. an he showed me.
"u might need dis!" sed jesus an my gun appeared in my hand.
"but how will you fight jesus" i sed
"dont worry about me" sed jesus. den 2 big red balls appered in jesuss hands. he threw dem at da detheaters. da romm esploded. everyone wuz flyin in da air.
i landed on da grass outside.
mary mergerine had a magik sheeld in front of her.
"how do you do dat" i sed. an she showed me.
jesus floated out of da air an landed on his feet in front of us. but were wuz judas?
judas fell from da sky into da middle of da detheaters. his wand had a lazer sword commin out of it. he spun cut through 10 of da detheaters.
"wuts dat" i sed.
"dis is a wand blade" sed judas. an he showed me how to do it.
with my wand an my gun i shot bullets an magik at vadermort. he put up his hands an made a magik sheild to blok dem. jesus had another one of his big red balls an through it at vadermort. vadermort bloked it wit his magik wall but he wuz strainin.
"i underestimated da power of your magik lazer balls!!" he sed.
den da ball broke through his magik sheild an slammed into his chest. his coat caught on fire. he wuz thrown back an burst through da brick wall behind him into da lab. he skitted across da glass covered floor.
we all looked at da dusty hole in da wall. den... missles flew out. dey were all aimed at... JESUS!!!
"NO" i sed. but detheaters were tryin to attack me from behind. i spun around an cut three of dem in haff wit my wand blade an den shot da others wit my gun an my wand. den i realised... i was surrounded!! there wuz no way to shoot dem all!!! den i remembered... i still had sheiquazs gernades!
one ran at me wit a wand blade but i doged an kicked him into da other ones. den i through a grenade at dem all. dey were about to doge, but i wuz quick an took out my gun an shot da grenade in midair. it esploded. wit my wand an my gun i shot a guy who wuz commin at me from behind. i rolled on da ground past some other detheaters who i shot. den i took out 2 more gernades an shot dem into da detheaters. dere were 2 more esplosions.
missles were still flyin at jesus. but he wasnt afraid. he smiled. da missles flew around him and flew back at vadermort. dey went throug hda dusty hole in da wall an esploded. the lab colapsed a little.
50 guys were commin up from behind jesus. jesus clapped his hands together an dey all squished together in midair into a big bloddy pancake. den dey all shlooped to da ground like soup.
"OH LORD" sed one of da detheaters "SPARE ME!!!!" an he got on da ground kneelin.
"ok. i wont kill u" sed jesus. an winked at da detheater an his hed esploded.
"WHATS GOIN ON HERE" sed pumpass piolet. he looked really mad. "LOO KAT THIS MESS"
vadermort had changed bak to snape. "dey shot me!!!" he sed.
"WUT" sed pumpass piolet "mr. christ im very disappointed in you!! all of you come to my office!!"
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ch 27 josefs gay multicolored coat
we were walkin 2 pumpass pilots office. snape wuz limpin tryin 2 look like he wuz all hurt. he wuz lookin at me all meen like.
"ur gonna get crucifyed for dis!!!" sed snape
"wut wuz dat" sed pumpass pilot
"nuttin" sed snape "i wuz just tellin these kids wut naughty little assholes they are"
"yes. u r quite naughty. lucky 4 u we changed da rules 100 years ago. bak den we wud shove a pole up ur ass 2 kill u."
an speekin of shovin poles up ppls assholes i saw dis gay kid. he had a coat of lots o colors.
jesus waved at him. "hello josef" he sed
"hello jesus" he sed
"whos dat" i sed
"hes josef" sed mary margerine "hes frum hufflypuff. hes head of da gay pride parade"
den i got scared. i wuz afrayed hed try an stik his cock in my asshole.
den he lookd at me. "whos ur frend" he sed.
"oh daz turtle" sed jesus "hes new here"
den josef winked at me.
"so where r u guys goin" he sed.
"we r goin to professer pilots office" sed judas.
he put his hands on his hips and an shook his hed. "dont b sad" he sed. den he clicked his fingers an did a little turn. "rainbow!" he sed an a rainbow shot out of his fingers an it went over us. lil sparky things fell on us. we felt so happy.
--
ch 28 we in truble
we wuz in pumpass pilots office an he had da telephone out. "now b4 i call ur parants i want 2 know da situashun"
"those chillin an dat nigger shot me an it wuz not ingoyable at all!!" sed snape
pumpass pilot jumped out of his seat "IS DIS TRUE MR. CHRIST! I AM SHOCKED!"
"its bcuz he attaked us" sed mary margerine
"no i didnt" sed snape
"well ur a teecher so you must b right" sed pumpass pilot.
"we were in da lab" sed judas
"what were u doin in da lab" sed piolet
"we were makin fried chikin" i sed
"fried chikin?" sed pumpass pilot "wuts dat? is it a type of drug"
"yes" sed snape evillhy
"well ive herd enuff" sed pilot "im tired of u kids walkin around smokin ur fried chikin an blarin ur "clasikel" music (AN: see bcuz soulja boi hadnt ben inveted yet)"
den he dialed da phone. it rang. den god piked it up.
"mr christ" sed pilor "im here 2 inform u dat ur son has been causin truble"
"wut" sed god
"have u herd of dis new drug called "fried chikin"?" sed pilot
"fried chikin? wuts dat?" sed god
"aparantyly des kids were makin it in da lab. den profesor snape like da good teecher he is came to stop dem. an dey shot him. im now afrayed 2 inform u dat ur son has been suspended for a cuple of days"
"i am suprised" sed god "im sorry dat my son is so emoture"
den pilot hung up.
"now mr christ. go out an wait for your father 2 pick u up" he sed
jesus went out lookin all sad. den a beem of light came down. an dere wuz god lookin like an angry 50 cent about to pop a cap in someones ass. he grabed jesus an dey went 2 heven.
den pilot picked up da phone again an called......... MY MAMA
"hello? miss buu jackson?"
"who is dis?" she sed
"dis is pumpass pilot." sed pumpass pilot. "i am da dumbledoor of da hogwats skool"
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" she yelled.
"my bois in skool?" sed my mama
"yes. an now hes suspended. i need u 2 pik him up"
den judas wispahed in pumpass pilots ear.
"WUT" he sed "hes frum da future!? den dis cant be happening!!" an da phone disapeared.
"well obviosuly he cant b picked up" sed snape "den he shud go in da loins den... for 24 HOURS"
"dat sounds sounds like a great idea!" sed pumpass pilot an 2 gaurds grabed me an put me in da loins den.
--
ch 29 da loins den
da loins were cummin towards me. dey were big an yellow an dey wanted 2 eat me.
den i realised... dey didnt take my gun away! so i took out my gun an my wand an started firen. but da bullets an magik ust bounced off! dey werent loins at all! dey wuz.... DETHEATERS!!!!
"OH NO DEY GOT ME" i sed. den i herd somedn from above.
"wutchu goin down dere turtle" somone sed. it wuz... JOSEF!!!1
"HELP DERE GONNA KILL ME" i sed
"no dey wont!" den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn "rainbow!" an a rainbow came out of his hands. den all da detheaters stopped an started havin gay sex with eachodder.
"CLIMB UP" sed josef. an i did.
"tank u" i sed
"ur welcom" he sed an jumped down in da pit.
"have a nice time!" i sed 2 josef wavin. den i took out my wand an my gun. i had unfinished bussiness with snape.
--
ch 30 da secret clssrom
in an empty classrom snape wuz sittin at da front desk in front of a bunch of students.
"now u no why i brot u here 2day" he sed " i ned u 2 be my eyes an eers in dis skool an keep an eye on jesus an his gang so dat dey dont start noddin"
in front of his were children.
golith who wuz a bigass muthafukka
jezibel who wuz a whore
harod who wuz all rite (but he wuz evil)
and josefs many brothers
"alrite" sed golith takin a bite out of his baby
"okay" sed harid takin a baby out of a sack an breakin its neck
"thats fine" sed jezibel bendin ova a table an havin sex wit josefs many brodders. but no 1 cud heer her cuz she had a cock in her mouth.
"from now on i am makin an oragnisation dat u must pass down to ur chuildren. an dat meens u jezebel." sed snape "frum now on... u will be nown as.... DA DETHETTERS"
"okay can we go now" sed jimbolia (1 of josefs many brodders)
"wait" sed snape. "u must never tell any1 of dis classroom. it must remain a secret. an from now on it shall be known ass......... THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS!!!!1"
--
ch 31 turtle kix da shit outa a bigass mutta
da meetin oin da chamber of secrets wuz dismissed. but i didnt no dat bcuz i didnt know about da chamber of secrets or wut snape wuz doin yet.
den i saw dis bigass motherfuka pikin on sum kids. he wuz throwin dem around an hittin dem into eachother.
"hey! stop dat!" i sed. den he turned around.
"i know u" he sed in a bigass muthafuka voice. "snape told me 2 keep an eye out 4 u. shudnt u be in da loins den?"
"yeh but all da detheatters he brot from da future are now havin gay butt sex with josef" i sed
"DAM" he sed. "i gess im gona have 2 kick yo ass" he nocked da gun out of my hand. i tryed 2 shot him wit magik but it cudnt go thru his bigass muthafuka skin.
den he pulled out his wand an stared shotin me but i reflected it wit da magik sheeld dat mary tot me. but da magik still cudnt thru his bigass muthafuka skin.
so we both used our wand blades. i wuz faster an i cut his bigass muthafuka skin bcuz a wandblade cud cut thru anyting.
"AH" he sed an cut my blak skin dat wuz shiny wit swet.
"AH" i sed den i jumped up an wuz about 2 cut his face in 2 but he bloked an thru me away. i layed dere like a cat. he wuz stabbin at me wit his wand blade but i rolled an cut his ankel.
"AH " he sed an den turned around an slashed. i bloked. den he slashed an it wuz so hard i went 2 my knees.
everyone wuz gatherin around. dey were booing at golieth an cheerin 4 me.
den dere wuz a crack. goliath spat mouth nose an ears. an den he fell ova ded.
dere wuz a bigass rock in da back of his hed.
it wuz one of da boys he wuz pikin on. his name wuz david. "TAKE DAT MUTHAFUKA" he sed.
den snape came in. "WUT DA FUCK IS GOIN ON HERE" he sed. but he cudnt see us yet cuz we were in da middle of da students. "golieth? why r u laying down right dere? sudnt u b in class?"
david tapped me on da shoulder. "he cant see us yet. lets go hide out in babyl tower." an we did.
22 .. my new skool
AN: i haf been gettin lots of reviows sayin i haf bad spelin an grammer so im tryin reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel hard 2 give u da best reedin experiants.
we were walkin cross da skoolgrounds an i saw lots of pepol on crosses.
"if you do someden bad around here den the dumbledoor crucifies you" sed jesus
den i got 2 thinkin.
"hey jesus" i sed "if you invented cristeanity den are you cristin?"
"christeanity? wuz dat" sed jesus "im jewish. (AN:i no i wuz suprised 2!!!!!!) r dere any odder religons?"
so we kept walkin until we came 2 da dumbledoors door. we waked up da stairs until we came 2 his office.
"why hello mr christ!!1" sed the dumbledoor.
"hello proffeser pilot" jesus sed
"wh is dat wit you" he sed
"oh dis boi wants 2 go to our skkol" sed jesus "his name is... WAIT!1 i dont know ur name"
"my name is soulja sprit bu jackson. but u can calll me turtle" i sed
"well turtle" sed jesus "dis is da dumbledoor of da hole skool. professer pumpass pilot"
"thats strange" sed pumpass pilot "we just had a new profeser transfer in. but never mind. we have 2 get u sorted!!11"
he tok out da sortin hat an put it on my hed. it sed.......... GIRFFENDOOR!!!!!1111111
"grate dats da house im in" sed jesus
"but sudnt i be in ravencow!?" i sed
"soory da sortin hat has spoken" sed pumpass pilot and he put da hat under his desk. "is dere anyting else u need"
"ya i need a magik wand" i sed
"well here u go" sed pumpass and he gave me a wand
"now you have everthing you need!!" sed jesus "we can go 2 da commen room now"
so we wakked 2 da commen room but den i saw dis biiig tower
"hey jesus wuts dat" i sed
"thats were da ravencows live" sed jesus "babel tower"
so we went in2 da commin room
"HEY JESUS" sed a girl an a boi "whos dat with you?" sed da girl
"dis is my new friend turtle" sed jesus "turtle, let me introduce you to my 2 best friends. mary margerin and judas."
"hello turtle" dey both sed
"hello jesus. where have you been all day?" sed a picture at da back of da room. it wuz above da fire place. it was.... ABRAHAM LINCON!!!!!111
"oh im fine" sed jesus "meet my new frend turtle"
"hats off 2 you turtle" sed mr lincon an he tiped his hat.
"why do you have a picture of abraham lincon in ur commen room" i sed
"dont u know? abraham lincon is da father of da jews!" sed jesus
"hahaha" sed mr lincon merrily "u kids run along or ull mis diner"
so we all ran along 2 da great hall.
we sat down at da griffondoor tabel.
"hey i no u" sed judas. i didnt know him.
"wut?" i sed
"yeh i know u" sed judas. den i remembered.
"oh yeah i met u in da future!!!1" i sed
den professor pilot got up an sed "students i want to introduce u 2 our new student turtle!!1 and our new professor who just transferred in... professor snape!!!!!!!"
--
ch23 - sexy jesus
"WUT" i sed
snape was standin up on da podiam wearin a toga wit leefs on his hed. he narrowd his eyes an lookd all meen at me from sa=acros da grate hall den went bak 2 sit wit da other teechers whu were also werin togas an leefs on dere heds.
"wow" sed jesus " we have a new teecher"
"hes evil" i sed
"come on we havnt even had a clas wit him yet" sed mary margerine
"no hes evil" i sed "he followed me 2 da past so i dont invent fried chikin and to kill me"
den we had dinna. we didnt have anyting fried. all we had wuz bred wine fish and cheese.
after dat we went 2 da griffendoor commen room.
"how wuz dinna?" sed licon
"grate" sed jesus
den i went up 2 my dorm room but i didnt have any pajamas so i slept in my clothes.
den everyone went to bed. expect jesus. so i got up and whent to da commen room lookin for him. den i saw dem. jesus wuz makin out wit mary margerine!! he had his hand up her shirt and dey were kissin wit da tungs.
i just stood dere.
abraham lincon wuz asleep. he had on a pink nightdress an a pink sleepin hat.
i quietly went bak to da dormroom. judas was there.
"hey turtle" he sed "where have you been"
"nowhere" i sed an den when to sleep.
ch 24 jew hats
woke up. i rolled over... an i saw... mary margerine in da same bed as jesus!!!!
"good mornin" dey both sed.
i wuz suprised. jesus didnt have a small white boy penis. he had a big black boy penis.
"well we better be goin down to brekfest" sed judas
"hey wait!!!!" sed sed lincon "you cant go out like that!!!"
"why?" i sed
"bcuz your not dressed n school uniform!!"
"oh i forgot!" sed jesus. he pulled sometin out of his pocket an put it on my head. it wuz a jew hat!
"that looks alot better" said abraham lincon and tipped his hat to me.
we finished brekfast. den we went to math class wit professor soloman. snape wuz sittin at da back bcuz he had da class next. soloman had a baby on his desk.
"now class how many babies do I have on my desk" sed professer soloman. mary margerine raised her hand.
"one baby" she sed.
"thats right" sed soloman "now how many babies would i have if i cut dis baby in 2?"
no bodyanswered. den mary margerine raised her hand "two babies" she sed.
"daz correct!" sed soloman and he took out his chainsaw. he cut da baby in 2. blod went everywhere. snape licked his lips.
for da rest of da class soloman showed us how to make 4 babies out of 2 babies and 6 babies out of 4 babies.
when clas ended we had dark arts wit perfesser snape. he went up 2 da front of da class.
"goodmorning class" he sed "im ur new dark arts teacher." en he took up all da babies dat soloman left behind. "today ill teech u how to eat babies"
"WUT" sed jesus
"ur not trying to cause trouble are you mr. christ?" sed snape
"we cant eat babies!!" sed jesus
"you can if you want an A !" sed snape.
"dont worry perfessor snape. ill eat babies." sed a meen looking boy. his name was goliath.
"thank you goliath. you are a nice an well mannered young man. u get an A." sed snape.
not everyone ate babies dat class. only da evil ppl did.
"turtle, mr. christ, can i see u after class" he sed when class ended.
we stayed.
"if you boys cause anymore trouble then ill have to punish you" he sed.
den we left.
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encyclo drama uqdate-
Thanks to fanfiction being completely homosexual, Imma Wiserd has been deleted twice. Any chance that RavenEagle can upload all 48 chapters of hilarity to somewhere safe? (such as a freewebs) as I was only able to save 11 chapters and the thanksgiving chapters before the deletion and wish to be able to read that good old racial brilliance. Thanks.
--
qost this resqonse evry few days to raveneagel..
Thou hast removed the Imma Wiserd fanfic!
Even though it was considered bad by people, I was still curious to know how it continued. I never got to read it all before it was taken down the 1st time, and your reposting of the chapters is my only hope. You must continue reposting.
----------------------------
haha disregard the idea of sayin that, cuz it wasn't him who dltd it, sm1 unkwn did acrding to him
--
ch 25 way down below
meanwhil... 10000 years in da future an a mile under hogwarts...
"damn" sed dracula "we almost had him. we cudve takken on dumbledoor but we didnt tink of magik jonson"
"fochnoktaf" sed hitler wich wuz out staf is short now an we lost many of r detheaters.
"da devil is in da hosbitl bcuz he wuz fell off his weelchair an brock his hip." sed dracula. "da same is 4 wolfman. I CAQNT BELIWEVE WE LET DAT NIGGA GO TO DA PAST!!!!!!!!!111111"
"ichkanvochinmatenvadermort" which ment vadermort followed him too.
den dracula spoke "hes killed jesus b4... can he do it agin?"
--
ch 26 jesuss big red balls
jesus showed me 2 da lab.
"here youll have everyting you need to make dis "fried chikin"" he sed
"fried chikin?" sed judas "wuts dat?"
"its like chikin" i sed "but fried"
"dats crazy" sed mary margerine "you cant do that"
"but like hell im gonna try" i sed.
i mixed da chemicels. dey went through da glass pipes an da test tubes. i boiled dem on da fire.
jesus judas an mary margerine were watchin me all curious like.
den... DA WALL ESPLODED AN VADERMORT AN HIS DETHEATERS BURST IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111
vadermort opened his cape. missles flew out an esploded everywere. glass startinb flyin every were.
"NOW YOULL NEVER INVENT FRIED CHIKIN!111" sed vadermort.
da detheaters took out dere wands an dere guns an started shootin magik an bullets at us.
jesus stepped in front of me.
"JESUS NO" i sed.
den his hands went all blury an he caut all da bullets betwen his fingers. den he through dem back at da detheaters. the bullets went thru vadermort an hit da detheaters. 15 detheaters died an vadermort fell down on his need tghrouwin up blood.
judas an mary margerine were shootin magik beems out of dere wands.
"how do u do dat?" i sed
"didnt dey teech you at school?" sed judas. an he showed me.
"u might need dis!" sed jesus an my gun appeared in my hand.
"but how will you fight jesus" i sed
"dont worry about me" sed jesus. den 2 big red balls appered in jesuss hands. he threw dem at da detheaters. da romm esploded. everyone wuz flyin in da air.
i landed on da grass outside.
mary mergerine had a magik sheeld in front of her.
"how do you do dat" i sed. an she showed me.
jesus floated out of da air an landed on his feet in front of us. but were wuz judas?
judas fell from da sky into da middle of da detheaters. his wand had a lazer sword commin out of it. he spun cut through 10 of da detheaters.
"wuts dat" i sed.
"dis is a wand blade" sed judas. an he showed me how to do it.
with my wand an my gun i shot bullets an magik at vadermort. he put up his hands an made a magik sheild to blok dem. jesus had another one of his big red balls an through it at vadermort. vadermort bloked it wit his magik wall but he wuz strainin.
"i underestimated da power of your magik lazer balls!!" he sed.
den da ball broke through his magik sheild an slammed into his chest. his coat caught on fire. he wuz thrown back an burst through da brick wall behind him into da lab. he skitted across da glass covered floor.
we all looked at da dusty hole in da wall. den... missles flew out. dey were all aimed at... JESUS!!!
"NO" i sed. but detheaters were tryin to attack me from behind. i spun around an cut three of dem in haff wit my wand blade an den shot da others wit my gun an my wand. den i realised... i was surrounded!! there wuz no way to shoot dem all!!! den i remembered... i still had sheiquazs gernades!
one ran at me wit a wand blade but i doged an kicked him into da other ones. den i through a grenade at dem all. dey were about to doge, but i wuz quick an took out my gun an shot da grenade in midair. it esploded. wit my wand an my gun i shot a guy who wuz commin at me from behind. i rolled on da ground past some other detheaters who i shot. den i took out 2 more gernades an shot dem into da detheaters. dere were 2 more esplosions.
missles were still flyin at jesus. but he wasnt afraid. he smiled. da missles flew around him and flew back at vadermort. dey went throug hda dusty hole in da wall an esploded. the lab colapsed a little.
50 guys were commin up from behind jesus. jesus clapped his hands together an dey all squished together in midair into a big bloddy pancake. den dey all shlooped to da ground like soup.
"OH LORD" sed one of da detheaters "SPARE ME!!!!" an he got on da ground kneelin.
"ok. i wont kill u" sed jesus. an winked at da detheater an his hed esploded.
"WHATS GOIN ON HERE" sed pumpass piolet. he looked really mad. "LOO KAT THIS MESS"
vadermort had changed bak to snape. "dey shot me!!!" he sed.
"WUT" sed pumpass piolet "mr. christ im very disappointed in you!! all of you come to my office!!"
--
ch 27 josefs gay multicolored coat
we were walkin 2 pumpass pilots office. snape wuz limpin tryin 2 look like he wuz all hurt. he wuz lookin at me all meen like.
"ur gonna get crucifyed for dis!!!" sed snape
"wut wuz dat" sed pumpass pilot
"nuttin" sed snape "i wuz just tellin these kids wut naughty little assholes they are"
"yes. u r quite naughty. lucky 4 u we changed da rules 100 years ago. bak den we wud shove a pole up ur ass 2 kill u."
an speekin of shovin poles up ppls assholes i saw dis gay kid. he had a coat of lots o colors.
jesus waved at him. "hello josef" he sed
"hello jesus" he sed
"whos dat" i sed
"hes josef" sed mary margerine "hes frum hufflypuff. hes head of da gay pride parade"
den i got scared. i wuz afrayed hed try an stik his cock in my asshole.
den he lookd at me. "whos ur frend" he sed.
"oh daz turtle" sed jesus "hes new here"
den josef winked at me.
"so where r u guys goin" he sed.
"we r goin to professer pilots office" sed judas.
he put his hands on his hips and an shook his hed. "dont b sad" he sed. den he clicked his fingers an did a little turn. "rainbow!" he sed an a rainbow shot out of his fingers an it went over us. lil sparky things fell on us. we felt so happy.
--
ch 28 we in truble
we wuz in pumpass pilots office an he had da telephone out. "now b4 i call ur parants i want 2 know da situashun"
"those chillin an dat nigger shot me an it wuz not ingoyable at all!!" sed snape
pumpass pilot jumped out of his seat "IS DIS TRUE MR. CHRIST! I AM SHOCKED!"
"its bcuz he attaked us" sed mary margerine
"no i didnt" sed snape
"well ur a teecher so you must b right" sed pumpass pilot.
"we were in da lab" sed judas
"what were u doin in da lab" sed piolet
"we were makin fried chikin" i sed
"fried chikin?" sed pumpass pilot "wuts dat? is it a type of drug"
"yes" sed snape evillhy
"well ive herd enuff" sed pilot "im tired of u kids walkin around smokin ur fried chikin an blarin ur "clasikel" music (AN: see bcuz soulja boi hadnt ben inveted yet)"
den he dialed da phone. it rang. den god piked it up.
"mr christ" sed pilor "im here 2 inform u dat ur son has been causin truble"
"wut" sed god
"have u herd of dis new drug called "fried chikin"?" sed pilot
"fried chikin? wuts dat?" sed god
"aparantyly des kids were makin it in da lab. den profesor snape like da good teecher he is came to stop dem. an dey shot him. im now afrayed 2 inform u dat ur son has been suspended for a cuple of days"
"i am suprised" sed god "im sorry dat my son is so emoture"
den pilot hung up.
"now mr christ. go out an wait for your father 2 pick u up" he sed
jesus went out lookin all sad. den a beem of light came down. an dere wuz god lookin like an angry 50 cent about to pop a cap in someones ass. he grabed jesus an dey went 2 heven.
den pilot picked up da phone again an called......... MY MAMA
"hello? miss buu jackson?"
"who is dis?" she sed
"dis is pumpass pilot." sed pumpass pilot. "i am da dumbledoor of da hogwats skool"
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" she yelled.
"my bois in skool?" sed my mama
"yes. an now hes suspended. i need u 2 pik him up"
den judas wispahed in pumpass pilots ear.
"WUT" he sed "hes frum da future!? den dis cant be happening!!" an da phone disapeared.
"well obviosuly he cant b picked up" sed snape "den he shud go in da loins den... for 24 HOURS"
"dat sounds sounds like a great idea!" sed pumpass pilot an 2 gaurds grabed me an put me in da loins den.
--
ch 29 da loins den
da loins were cummin towards me. dey were big an yellow an dey wanted 2 eat me.
den i realised... dey didnt take my gun away! so i took out my gun an my wand an started firen. but da bullets an magik ust bounced off! dey werent loins at all! dey wuz.... DETHEATERS!!!!
"OH NO DEY GOT ME" i sed. den i herd somedn from above.
"wutchu goin down dere turtle" somone sed. it wuz... JOSEF!!!1
"HELP DERE GONNA KILL ME" i sed
"no dey wont!" den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn "rainbow!" an a rainbow came out of his hands. den all da detheaters stopped an started havin gay sex with eachodder.
"CLIMB UP" sed josef. an i did.
"tank u" i sed
"ur welcom" he sed an jumped down in da pit.
"have a nice time!" i sed 2 josef wavin. den i took out my wand an my gun. i had unfinished bussiness with snape.
--
ch 30 da secret clssrom
in an empty classrom snape wuz sittin at da front desk in front of a bunch of students.
"now u no why i brot u here 2day" he sed " i ned u 2 be my eyes an eers in dis skool an keep an eye on jesus an his gang so dat dey dont start noddin"
in front of his were children.
golith who wuz a bigass muthafukka
jezibel who wuz a whore
harod who wuz all rite (but he wuz evil)
and josefs many brothers
"alrite" sed golith takin a bite out of his baby
"okay" sed harid takin a baby out of a sack an breakin its neck
"thats fine" sed jezibel bendin ova a table an havin sex wit josefs many brodders. but no 1 cud heer her cuz she had a cock in her mouth.
"from now on i am makin an oragnisation dat u must pass down to ur chuildren. an dat meens u jezebel." sed snape "frum now on... u will be nown as.... DA DETHETTERS"
"okay can we go now" sed jimbolia (1 of josefs many brodders)
"wait" sed snape. "u must never tell any1 of dis classroom. it must remain a secret. an from now on it shall be known ass......... THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS!!!!1"
--
ch 31 turtle kix da shit outa a bigass mutta
da meetin oin da chamber of secrets wuz dismissed. but i didnt no dat bcuz i didnt know about da chamber of secrets or wut snape wuz doin yet.
den i saw dis bigass motherfuka pikin on sum kids. he wuz throwin dem around an hittin dem into eachother.
"hey! stop dat!" i sed. den he turned around.
"i know u" he sed in a bigass muthafuka voice. "snape told me 2 keep an eye out 4 u. shudnt u be in da loins den?"
"yeh but all da detheatters he brot from da future are now havin gay butt sex with josef" i sed
"DAM" he sed. "i gess im gona have 2 kick yo ass" he nocked da gun out of my hand. i tryed 2 shot him wit magik but it cudnt go thru his bigass muthafuka skin.
den he pulled out his wand an stared shotin me but i reflected it wit da magik sheeld dat mary tot me. but da magik still cudnt thru his bigass muthafuka skin.
so we both used our wand blades. i wuz faster an i cut his bigass muthafuka skin bcuz a wandblade cud cut thru anyting.
"AH" he sed an cut my blak skin dat wuz shiny wit swet.
"AH" i sed den i jumped up an wuz about 2 cut his face in 2 but he bloked an thru me away. i layed dere like a cat. he wuz stabbin at me wit his wand blade but i rolled an cut his ankel.
"AH " he sed an den turned around an slashed. i bloked. den he slashed an it wuz so hard i went 2 my knees.
everyone wuz gatherin around. dey were booing at golieth an cheerin 4 me.
den dere wuz a crack. goliath spat mouth nose an ears. an den he fell ova ded.
dere wuz a bigass rock in da back of his hed.
it wuz one of da boys he wuz pikin on. his name wuz david. "TAKE DAT MUTHAFUKA" he sed.
den snape came in. "WUT DA FUCK IS GOIN ON HERE" he sed. but he cudnt see us yet cuz we were in da middle of da students. "golieth? why r u laying down right dere? sudnt u b in class?"
david tapped me on da shoulder. "he cant see us yet. lets go hide out in babyl tower." an we did.